Showing posts with label Relinquishing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relinquishing. Show all posts
9/19/12
Labels:
Clutter
,
Families
,
Hoarding
,
Relinquishing
Read More
Hoarding and Decluttering: The Temptations of Memory
A while ago I wrote a blog entry about whether the two mega-trends
of thrifting and decluttering were compatible. Did a love of thrifting
inevitably lead to hoarding, I wondered. Could a scourer of op shops (like me,
for instance) actually lead a minimalist lifestyle?
My preoccupation with hoarding comes from the fact that my
parents display totally opposing tendencies in this area.
My father is a hoarder of sorts. This trait took years to fully
reveal itself, and remains limited to a few rooms in the house because my
mother is a tidiness freak.
While I was growing up my dad’s hoarding hardly
impacted on me – except as an exemplar of untidiness – apart from the garage
and garden shed, both almost unusable because stuffed with useless junk,
including a canoe that to this day hangs upside down from the roof of the shed like
some bizarre art installation, and is purported to have a hole in it. Oh, and
my dad's huge glass-topped mahogany desk, whose surface was even then obscured
by papers, that my mum had to suffer in their bedroom for many years. As she's
gotten older, it's become harder for her to control my dad's messiness.
When we kids grew up and moved out of the house, Dad inherited
a bedroom that became his 'office'. He used to complete his watercolour paintings
in there, but it's so full of junk now, apart from a small space cleared for a
computer and chair, that he’s abandoned it for this purpose. With its boxes of
obsolete papers, discarded canvases, painting materials and plastic bags of electrical
cables taking up most of the floor space, and the desk obscured by nests of manila
folders stuffed with papers, it's a safety hazard.
Ominously my father has been 'given' another room for his
painting, a tiny room at the back of the house that was formerly a
spare-cum-sewing room. So far it's sufficiently free of junk that my dad can
paint again but I predict that in a few months this room too will be unusable.
He will occasionally create messy outposts in the rest of the house – for example,
spreading his tax return documents around the dining room table, completing a
painting project in the sunroom – but these are always temporary and are soon shooed
back into the general chaos by my mother.
Dad is in some ways not a typical hoarder. Hoarding is often
associated with compulsive shopping; Dad hardly ever shops for non-necessities
unless he has to. Nor does he actively accumulate material objects in other
ways (although he used to buy the odd broken-down car that he would tinker with
on weekends). It's the past he hoards: religious pamphlets, old copies of
journals, financial and administrative documents, and anything to do with his
political battles with his teachers union, the local council and government
bodies. He still has papers from at least fifty years ago.
While hoarding didn’t impact much on my childhood, its roots
were present in subtle ways. For example, I knew one thing that would always
garner my mother's approval (the usual things didn't really cut it with her):
'cleaning the kitchen' at night. What this meant was not just doing the dishes,
but sorting, filing and taming the accumulations of junk that regularly spread
themselves around the kitchen benches (this wasn’t just Dad of course – we are
a family of seven). Organising this assortment of mail, torn pieces of envelope
with phone numbers written on them, tiny miscellaneous toys, coins, sets of
keys and so on, and creating sweet if temporary order, was something that my
mother and I could both rejoice in.
Has Dad passed down his hoarding tendencies to me? Not at first glance. I'm a tidiness freak and I like to
think I’m a great declutterer, but in that regard I’m fooling myself. I'm good at getting rid
of some things but not others.
I hold onto clothes for longer than many, but I can
get rid of the most treasured garment once I’ve made the decision; I actually
enjoy the process of weeding out my wardrobe and dropping off a bag of goodies at my favourite op shop. Once it's time for a piece to go, I don't give it another
thought.
But the fact is I do have my own hoarding weakness – books. I have five bookshelves if you don't count the one in my office that is
stuffed with folders of edited educational materials.
I find it very hard to let books go. I have thrown the odd
few out, but my decisions are extremely conservative. And I still have many
books that I won't read again and that bear little relationship to how I live my
life these days. Do I really need my secondhand copies of Emotional Intelligence and Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People? (These books were both written before the financial crisis – if they
were so influential, why didn't their sage advice for corporate types stop the
Goldman Sachs executives plundering the USA and destroying the world economy?) To
me the knowledge these books hold represents security, and a link with past
versions of me, and I can’t let them go, not yet anyway.
Another thing I hold onto is appointment diaries. Mine go as
far back as 1994. I keep them in my bookshelves so it doesn’t feel as if I’m
hoarding them. I tell myself they’re useful as primary sources for memoir
writing and so on, but they’re really just another link with earlier versions of my life and myself. In the rare times I go through one, trying to discover
when some long-ago incident occurred, I’m strangely comforted by the mundanity
of the various lists I was so fond of making. Whatever my emotional and
material struggles, I continued to go to the supermarket, have my hair cut,
drop my books back to the library and pay my rent.
Flyers relating to arts and cultural events – exhibitions, readings,
films, plays – are another weakness. It’s so easy to forget the details of
these experiences, and while there’s enough room in my filing cabinet, I can’t
bring myself to throw away anything that jogs my memory.
In fact, the things I hold onto suggest that I’m like more
my father than is comfortable to contemplate. Like him, it’s reminders of the
past that I cling to. In the absence of a photographic memory, these refugees
from my past testify to my changing life and the things that continue to
sustain it.
Do you find it easier to let go of some things and not others?
Are there mementoes of the past that you struggle to throw out?
Do you find it easier to let go of some things and not others?
Are there mementoes of the past that you struggle to throw out?
Until next time!
If you enjoyed this blog entry, you might also like Clearing Out Clutter: A Goodbye Ritual for a Loved Object.
12/3/11
Labels:
Bricks-and-mortar stores
,
Christmas
,
Decision making
,
Emotions
,
Intuition
,
Psychology of shopping
,
Relinquishing
At this time of year, as holiday shopping swings into gear, you’re under more pressure to buy than ever before.
Advertising companies have long employed psychologists to advise them on the emotions and thoughts that unconsciously govern the behaviour of consumers.
But their knowledge of what triggers consumer behaviour is becoming more and more sophisticated. The burgeoning science of neuromarketing uses scanning to measure changes in brain activity and physical responses to discover what parts of the brain are involved in the decision to buy. Brands and stores are making use of this knowledge to influence your behaviour in ways you’re probably not aware of.
With the smartphone revolution, marketing in the form of discount offers has never been more intimate and in-your-face. Even when the discount is genuine, the question is: do you really need and want the product? Or are you just buying it because your buttons are being pressed?
A free app that looks out for you
The news isn't all bad. The fact is, you already have an amazing 'app' that counteracts the marketing messages. It's called your intuition, it's totally free, and it's at your disposal 24 hours a day. And better still, you don't need a smartphone to use it, although it does help! (Not really – I’m just being silly.)
Many people aren't clear as to what intuition really is or whether they have it. Some scientists routinely confuse it with emotions, and therefore warn that you can't always trust your intuition. However, other scientists are starting to take notice. One writer, Paul Bernstein, describes it thus:
Shopping can produce a whole spectrum of emotions, or simply strengthen feelings you already have. You might feel irritated, sad, depressed, excited, confident, triumphant, disappointed, apprehensive, anxious, fearful or even self-hating.
Your rational mind can help you by finding and processing practical information about the products you’re planning to buy. You can also use it to help talk yourself out of a bad buy, but you may sometimes use it to rationalise buying something you don't need.
How to use your shopping app
Practise mindful shopping. Slow down. Breathe. Go ‘home’ to yourself. Be aware of your body in space, the feel of your feet walking, your arms swinging. Make calming self-statements. Remember there are plenty of goods, enough time, and plenty to go around.
Focus on the experience of shopping and not just the outcome. Stay in the moment. Be nice to the hardworking retail staff. Practise not shoving aside other shoppers. Stay aware of your perceptions.
Build a secure base from which your app can operate. Intuition and rational thinking aren’t usually opposed (although sometimes intuition can trump rational thinking). It really helps to have a structure so you know roughly how much you can spend, and what you want to buy in the short, medium and long term. Research big-ticket items before you buy them and use intuition to make the final decision. Create a budget and keep track of what you’ve allocated to different areas. Create a Priority List of goods you want (and presents you intend to give). Do these tasks mindfully, and remember both your budget and Priority List can be flexible and dynamic – you are allowed to change your mind!
Let go of outcomes. Practise ‘negative capability’. Try to accept that, however much you plan, your internal shopping app may have its own plans. It’s great to be organised, but try to let go of the outcome of your shopping expedition. Be open to accidental finds, and to the possibility that you may not come home with what you set out to get.
Get to know how your shopping app works. A great way to find out how your intuition operates is to find something you’re almost sure you want to buy. If you’ve decided it’s within your budget and done any necessary research, decide to mentally give it up. Put it back on the shelf, walk away from it, walk out of the store if you need to. If you're online, navigate away from the page by opening another tab, or take the item out of your shopping cart. Mentally tell yourself you are letting it go and see what your gut feeling tells you. If there is a very strong protest at a gut level, approach the item for a second time and see what happens.
Use your shopping app for all aspects of the shopping process. Use it to decide how you will shop, where you will shop and for how long. Use your app to decide if it’s worth going into individual stores. Listen to your app if it guides you to new ways of shopping, eg ethical and sustainable Christmas and holiday gifts, shopping with small retailers instead of big box stores, charity-based gifts, thrifting.
Use your app to help you avoid going with the herd. Be aware of the energies of others, and mentally separate them from your own. Remember they have their own agendas, and you’re biologically wired to want to follow your fellow creatures. But your internal shopping app can help you override this urge and only buy what’s right for you.
Use setbacks to become a more effective shopper. If you have an unpleasant shopping experience, use it as feedback to get to know yourself better. What are your triggers for overspending? What times of the day are best for you to shop? Could you set some limits on your online shopping? Remember, every shopping expedition can make you a more aware and effective shopper if you’re open to the lessons.
Until next time!
Read More
A Free 'Shopping App' to Guide You Through the Christmas Maze
At this time of year, as holiday shopping swings into gear, you’re under more pressure to buy than ever before.
- Advertisers tell you to spend up on your family and friends to show how much you love them.
- Stores lure you in with tempting displays, subtle aromas, scarily good-looking staff and special offers.
- Brands evoke strong moods, emotions and character traits that make you crave their products.
- Christmas hype and preparation can make you feel confused, depressed, tired and emotionally overloaded.
- You add to the mix by heaping guilt on yourself for not being a good enough parent or friend.
- Your smartphone sends you constant inducements to enter stores, pick up merchandise, and take advantage of time-limited discounts.
Advertising companies have long employed psychologists to advise them on the emotions and thoughts that unconsciously govern the behaviour of consumers.
But their knowledge of what triggers consumer behaviour is becoming more and more sophisticated. The burgeoning science of neuromarketing uses scanning to measure changes in brain activity and physical responses to discover what parts of the brain are involved in the decision to buy. Brands and stores are making use of this knowledge to influence your behaviour in ways you’re probably not aware of.
With the smartphone revolution, marketing in the form of discount offers has never been more intimate and in-your-face. Even when the discount is genuine, the question is: do you really need and want the product? Or are you just buying it because your buttons are being pressed?
A free app that looks out for you
The news isn't all bad. The fact is, you already have an amazing 'app' that counteracts the marketing messages. It's called your intuition, it's totally free, and it's at your disposal 24 hours a day. And better still, you don't need a smartphone to use it, although it does help! (Not really – I’m just being silly.)
Many people aren't clear as to what intuition really is or whether they have it. Some scientists routinely confuse it with emotions, and therefore warn that you can't always trust your intuition. However, other scientists are starting to take notice. One writer, Paul Bernstein, describes it thus:
The appearance of accurate information in the mind of an individual ... which can be shown to have come not through the five senses, nor through a rearrangement of the individual's stored memory contents.
When we shop, we have access to a number of sources of information about what we truly need: our rational mind, our emotions and our intuition, or gut feeling. Our bodies also give us information, such as telling us we’re tired or hungry.
Shopping can produce a whole spectrum of emotions, or simply strengthen feelings you already have. You might feel irritated, sad, depressed, excited, confident, triumphant, disappointed, apprehensive, anxious, fearful or even self-hating.
Your rational mind can help you by finding and processing practical information about the products you’re planning to buy. You can also use it to help talk yourself out of a bad buy, but you may sometimes use it to rationalise buying something you don't need.
Underneath all the hoopla of what’s going on for us is a steady stream of inner wisdom. It always has our best interests at heart, and a better understanding of our financial situation than our conscious selves. It’s there all the time, and all we need to do to access it is slow down a bit and take the time to tune in.
How to use your shopping app
Practise mindful shopping. Slow down. Breathe. Go ‘home’ to yourself. Be aware of your body in space, the feel of your feet walking, your arms swinging. Make calming self-statements. Remember there are plenty of goods, enough time, and plenty to go around.
Focus on the experience of shopping and not just the outcome. Stay in the moment. Be nice to the hardworking retail staff. Practise not shoving aside other shoppers. Stay aware of your perceptions.
Get to know how emotions affect you when you shop. Emotions and intuition aren’t always in tune. Discover how your emotions work by going on a shopping expedition where you simply browse. Note how you react to finding goods you love. What happens to your body and brain when you contemplate a Gucci handbag or a pair of Italian loafers? How does feeling tired affect your emotional state, eg do you suddenly feel an urge to buy products you would ordinarily dismiss? Do you lose the plot if you shop for more than two hours? Use this information to help you plan your shopping so as to manage your emotions and minimise the negative ones.
Build a secure base from which your app can operate. Intuition and rational thinking aren’t usually opposed (although sometimes intuition can trump rational thinking). It really helps to have a structure so you know roughly how much you can spend, and what you want to buy in the short, medium and long term. Research big-ticket items before you buy them and use intuition to make the final decision. Create a budget and keep track of what you’ve allocated to different areas. Create a Priority List of goods you want (and presents you intend to give). Do these tasks mindfully, and remember both your budget and Priority List can be flexible and dynamic – you are allowed to change your mind!
Let go of outcomes. Practise ‘negative capability’. Try to accept that, however much you plan, your internal shopping app may have its own plans. It’s great to be organised, but try to let go of the outcome of your shopping expedition. Be open to accidental finds, and to the possibility that you may not come home with what you set out to get.
Get to know how your shopping app works. A great way to find out how your intuition operates is to find something you’re almost sure you want to buy. If you’ve decided it’s within your budget and done any necessary research, decide to mentally give it up. Put it back on the shelf, walk away from it, walk out of the store if you need to. If you're online, navigate away from the page by opening another tab, or take the item out of your shopping cart. Mentally tell yourself you are letting it go and see what your gut feeling tells you. If there is a very strong protest at a gut level, approach the item for a second time and see what happens.
Use your shopping app for all aspects of the shopping process. Use it to decide how you will shop, where you will shop and for how long. Use your app to decide if it’s worth going into individual stores. Listen to your app if it guides you to new ways of shopping, eg ethical and sustainable Christmas and holiday gifts, shopping with small retailers instead of big box stores, charity-based gifts, thrifting.
Use your app to help you avoid going with the herd. Be aware of the energies of others, and mentally separate them from your own. Remember they have their own agendas, and you’re biologically wired to want to follow your fellow creatures. But your internal shopping app can help you override this urge and only buy what’s right for you.
Use setbacks to become a more effective shopper. If you have an unpleasant shopping experience, use it as feedback to get to know yourself better. What are your triggers for overspending? What times of the day are best for you to shop? Could you set some limits on your online shopping? Remember, every shopping expedition can make you a more aware and effective shopper if you’re open to the lessons.
Until next time!
If you enjoyed this blog entry, you might also like Steps to Take Before You Buy a Big-Ticket Item and How to Distinguish Between a Good and Bad Impulse Buy.
9/18/11
Labels:
Decision making
,
Emotions
,
Intuition
,
Letting go
,
Relinquishing
,
Supermarket shopping
The impulse buy – the expensive item you come home with when you actually intended to pick up a packet of pasta, a jar of anchovies and some tinned tomatoes – is an institution in our shopping culture. ‘I just bought it on impulse’, we say, or ‘I was just passing and I saw it and I had to have it’.
Impulse purchases are unplanned purchases. They often occur at cash registers where goods are displayed so as to tempt shoppers as they leave the store. You’re most vulnerable to an unwise impulse buy when you’re tired, hungry, or feeling low.
The irony of the impulse buy is the contrast between the buyer’s lack of conscious planning and the lengths that stores go to in preparing their ambush. About 60 per cent of what we buy is unplanned, and store displays are carefully designed and positioned to tempt us to reach for our wallets or add an extra item to our trolleys on the spur of the moment.
The internet is rife with its own triggers for impulse buying. Anonymity, easy use of credit cards, navigational software and a seemingly infinite number of choices make the internet an ideal environment for encouraging us to buy on impulse.
Impulse buys aren't all the same
The difference between an impulse buy and something you buy intuitively – something that you really do need and want – isn’t always obvious. In fact, they can sometimes be the same thing – it depends on the reasons behind the purchase.
Often when we buy things suddenly, we’ve actually been planning the purchase for a long time. One evening my brother-in-law Robert came home with a shivery little ginger-coloured spaniel. He’d supposedly bought the pup ‘on impulse’, but his two young daughters had been nagging him to get them a puppy for over a year. Perhaps Robert hadn’t planned to buy the puppy – but his unconscious mind had.
On the other hand, if you’re feeling low and find yourself poised to purchase some overpriced video game based on a blockbuster that you enjoyed at the cinema, although you have no idea whether the game itself is any good, this is less likely to be the result of intuition.
So how do you distinguish between a good impulse buy and an unwise one? Here are some tips to keep you on track.
1. Have a budget in place. A budget with allocated spending for different categories gives you a structure that helps you to identify whether you can afford the item that’s clamouring for your attention.
2. Start a Priority List. A Priority List, which I describe in detail in my book The Inspired Shopper, makes a great supplement to a budget. It’s basically a list of all the things you want and need. Prepare this list slowly and mindfully, noting how you feel as you write an item down. Do you really need the item or not? Could you repurpose something instead?
If an item you get the urge to buy on impulse is on your Priority List, it may be something you want and need. But you still need to ‘check in’ at the time to ensure that it feels right to buy it.
3. Get in touch how are you’re feeling. There are many emotions that can tip us over into wanting to buy. Sometimes the item may be directly related to how you’re feeling (a chocolate bar when you’re hungry) or sometimes it’s just that you’re desperate to buy something – anything – and the item conveniently presents itself in front of you! Common feelings that can set off the urge to buy are sadness, disappointment, anger, fatigue, hunger – but even positive emotions like joy, triumph and relief can lead us to buy.
4. Tap into your intuition. There is another layer of experience deeper than emotions – your intuition. It’s always there, regardless of how you’re feeling. Once you’ve worked out how your intuition responds in shopping situations, you can always rely on it. Start to experiment with it in simple scenarios, like choosing the best bunch of celery, and go from there.
5. Let go of the item. Letting go of an item before you decide whether to buy it – a process I call relinquishing – is very similar to a cooling-off period. But it doesn’t rely on moving physically away from the item, or waiting a long time before making a decision. What’s important with relinquishing is that you actually let go of the item mentally. You decide that you won’t buy it, place it back of the shelf or rack, and then you stop to listen to how your intuition responds. Does it feel genuinely wrong to leave the item behind? Or is there a sense of relief?
The impulse buy and your Priority List
An impulse buy that your unconscious has been planning for a while may sometimes be a good thing. Deliberately hunting out a new wool wrap, kitchen trolley or pair of summer sandals can lead to a long, fruitless and debilitating search; when you most feel you need something, you often can’t find it.
The Priority List lets your unconscious do the searching for you. When you have an idea of all the things you need, you can be proactive without really trying because your unconscious mind will be on the lookout for those items. When the right item appears, you’ve checked out the specifications, the price is right and you’re ready to buy, snap it up.
However, in the case of any significant purchase, you’ll need to carry out research before you buy. You can delay what would otherwise have been an impulse purchase by researching the item once you’ve found it.
Should you buy something on impulse if it’s not already on your Priority List? Ultimately you make the rules – how much structure you need depends on how prone you are to overspending, and how confident you are that you can stick to your budget.
The more you practise, the better you’ll be at distinguishing between intuitive and purely emotional shopping desires. It’s better to err on the side of caution if you’re unsure –you can always put something on your Priority List once you find it, and go back and buy it when you’ve had time to decide whether it will genuinely enhance your life.
Until next time!
If you enjoyed this post, you might like How to Stay Calm When Shopping Online!
Read More
How to Distinguish Between a Good and Bad Impulse Buy
The impulse buy – the expensive item you come home with when you actually intended to pick up a packet of pasta, a jar of anchovies and some tinned tomatoes – is an institution in our shopping culture. ‘I just bought it on impulse’, we say, or ‘I was just passing and I saw it and I had to have it’.
Impulse purchases are unplanned purchases. They often occur at cash registers where goods are displayed so as to tempt shoppers as they leave the store. You’re most vulnerable to an unwise impulse buy when you’re tired, hungry, or feeling low.
The irony of the impulse buy is the contrast between the buyer’s lack of conscious planning and the lengths that stores go to in preparing their ambush. About 60 per cent of what we buy is unplanned, and store displays are carefully designed and positioned to tempt us to reach for our wallets or add an extra item to our trolleys on the spur of the moment.
The internet is rife with its own triggers for impulse buying. Anonymity, easy use of credit cards, navigational software and a seemingly infinite number of choices make the internet an ideal environment for encouraging us to buy on impulse.
Impulse buys aren't all the same
The difference between an impulse buy and something you buy intuitively – something that you really do need and want – isn’t always obvious. In fact, they can sometimes be the same thing – it depends on the reasons behind the purchase.
Often when we buy things suddenly, we’ve actually been planning the purchase for a long time. One evening my brother-in-law Robert came home with a shivery little ginger-coloured spaniel. He’d supposedly bought the pup ‘on impulse’, but his two young daughters had been nagging him to get them a puppy for over a year. Perhaps Robert hadn’t planned to buy the puppy – but his unconscious mind had.
On the other hand, if you’re feeling low and find yourself poised to purchase some overpriced video game based on a blockbuster that you enjoyed at the cinema, although you have no idea whether the game itself is any good, this is less likely to be the result of intuition.
So how do you distinguish between a good impulse buy and an unwise one? Here are some tips to keep you on track.
1. Have a budget in place. A budget with allocated spending for different categories gives you a structure that helps you to identify whether you can afford the item that’s clamouring for your attention.
2. Start a Priority List. A Priority List, which I describe in detail in my book The Inspired Shopper, makes a great supplement to a budget. It’s basically a list of all the things you want and need. Prepare this list slowly and mindfully, noting how you feel as you write an item down. Do you really need the item or not? Could you repurpose something instead?
If an item you get the urge to buy on impulse is on your Priority List, it may be something you want and need. But you still need to ‘check in’ at the time to ensure that it feels right to buy it.
3. Get in touch how are you’re feeling. There are many emotions that can tip us over into wanting to buy. Sometimes the item may be directly related to how you’re feeling (a chocolate bar when you’re hungry) or sometimes it’s just that you’re desperate to buy something – anything – and the item conveniently presents itself in front of you! Common feelings that can set off the urge to buy are sadness, disappointment, anger, fatigue, hunger – but even positive emotions like joy, triumph and relief can lead us to buy.
4. Tap into your intuition. There is another layer of experience deeper than emotions – your intuition. It’s always there, regardless of how you’re feeling. Once you’ve worked out how your intuition responds in shopping situations, you can always rely on it. Start to experiment with it in simple scenarios, like choosing the best bunch of celery, and go from there.
5. Let go of the item. Letting go of an item before you decide whether to buy it – a process I call relinquishing – is very similar to a cooling-off period. But it doesn’t rely on moving physically away from the item, or waiting a long time before making a decision. What’s important with relinquishing is that you actually let go of the item mentally. You decide that you won’t buy it, place it back of the shelf or rack, and then you stop to listen to how your intuition responds. Does it feel genuinely wrong to leave the item behind? Or is there a sense of relief?
The impulse buy and your Priority List
An impulse buy that your unconscious has been planning for a while may sometimes be a good thing. Deliberately hunting out a new wool wrap, kitchen trolley or pair of summer sandals can lead to a long, fruitless and debilitating search; when you most feel you need something, you often can’t find it.
The Priority List lets your unconscious do the searching for you. When you have an idea of all the things you need, you can be proactive without really trying because your unconscious mind will be on the lookout for those items. When the right item appears, you’ve checked out the specifications, the price is right and you’re ready to buy, snap it up.
However, in the case of any significant purchase, you’ll need to carry out research before you buy. You can delay what would otherwise have been an impulse purchase by researching the item once you’ve found it.
Should you buy something on impulse if it’s not already on your Priority List? Ultimately you make the rules – how much structure you need depends on how prone you are to overspending, and how confident you are that you can stick to your budget.
The more you practise, the better you’ll be at distinguishing between intuitive and purely emotional shopping desires. It’s better to err on the side of caution if you’re unsure –you can always put something on your Priority List once you find it, and go back and buy it when you’ve had time to decide whether it will genuinely enhance your life.
Until next time!
If you enjoyed this post, you might like How to Stay Calm When Shopping Online!
1/10/08
Labels:
Gift giving
,
Intuition
,
Relinquishing
As an Inspired Shopper, every shopping experience teaches me something new. I went to my local shopping centre today after not having been for a while. I'd felt 'shopped out', and wanted to give myself time to enjoy the bargains I'd picked up at the Boxing Day sales.
The first item on my list was a birthday present for an old friend. I'd already picked out this present, a book that is the basis for a period drama that has recently been released in the cinemas. The book was about 30 per cent off the full price, and repackaged to link up with the film, with a photo of the lead actress on the cover. I felt sure my friend would love the film (which I'd seen) so I took a punt on the book, having read other books by the author -- but I made sure to use my intuition.
Presents -- for friends, partners, family, and anyone else -- are notoriously difficult to get right. Anthropologist James Carrier sees gift giving as our atttempt to turn impersonal consumer objects into personal things that reflect who we are and our ties with our loved ones. We want so much to tell the recipients, through our gifts, that we know who they are well enough to gauge what they would like. But it's so hard to do this successfully, unless we ask for a 'laundry list'. Intuition, I've found, can help me to pick a present that 'hits the spot'.
Buying books is a big risk -- the basis for liking or disliking a particular author is unfathomable. Sense of humour, literary style, subject matter -- all these can play a role, but the tastes of our friends, partners and family members can remain a mystery to us despite what we already know about them. I rarely buy books as presents unless I know that the intended recipient favours a particular author, or unless I know them so well that the subject matter of the book in question is sure to please.
When I saw this book I'd recently seen the accompanying film. I immediately thought 'Donna' (my friend's name). But I didn't let that decide me -- first, I relinquished the book. Relinquishing is an essential part of the Inspired Shopping process. It can mean simply walking away for a few minutes from something you think you'd like to buy, or leaving the shop and coming back on the same or a later shopping trip. When you do this, you really need to give the item up, temporarily at least -- to convince yourself that you're not going to buy it. Then you watch and see how your intuition -- your deepest self -- reacts.
In this case, I decided to come back and pick up the book another time. This is a great way to relinquish if you're not concerned that the item is going to sell out. Why? Because the item bubbles away in your unconscious, giving you time to assess, without conscious effort, whether it really is what you want. I wasn't going to be seeing Donna for a couple of weeks so there was no urgency.
However, I have to say that my first effort at relinquishing proved to be favourable. My intuition 'alarm' went off and I felt sure I would buy the book when I returned to the bookshop.
I went back today, as I said, and tested the process a final time by relinquishing quickly (simply putting the book back on the shelf and starting to walk away). My intuition alarm went off again, so I knew for certain I could buy the book!
This example is important, I think, because there was some rational basis for my decision. But I didn't rely wholly on my rational mind; my intuition was the final arbiter. As well, I wanted to give my friend a surprise, and asking her if she liked the book's author would have spoilt that.
In my next post I'll detail another aspect of my experience at the shopping centre.
Read More
'Relinquishing' at the bookstore!
As an Inspired Shopper, every shopping experience teaches me something new. I went to my local shopping centre today after not having been for a while. I'd felt 'shopped out', and wanted to give myself time to enjoy the bargains I'd picked up at the Boxing Day sales.
The first item on my list was a birthday present for an old friend. I'd already picked out this present, a book that is the basis for a period drama that has recently been released in the cinemas. The book was about 30 per cent off the full price, and repackaged to link up with the film, with a photo of the lead actress on the cover. I felt sure my friend would love the film (which I'd seen) so I took a punt on the book, having read other books by the author -- but I made sure to use my intuition.
Presents -- for friends, partners, family, and anyone else -- are notoriously difficult to get right. Anthropologist James Carrier sees gift giving as our atttempt to turn impersonal consumer objects into personal things that reflect who we are and our ties with our loved ones. We want so much to tell the recipients, through our gifts, that we know who they are well enough to gauge what they would like. But it's so hard to do this successfully, unless we ask for a 'laundry list'. Intuition, I've found, can help me to pick a present that 'hits the spot'.
Buying books is a big risk -- the basis for liking or disliking a particular author is unfathomable. Sense of humour, literary style, subject matter -- all these can play a role, but the tastes of our friends, partners and family members can remain a mystery to us despite what we already know about them. I rarely buy books as presents unless I know that the intended recipient favours a particular author, or unless I know them so well that the subject matter of the book in question is sure to please.
When I saw this book I'd recently seen the accompanying film. I immediately thought 'Donna' (my friend's name). But I didn't let that decide me -- first, I relinquished the book. Relinquishing is an essential part of the Inspired Shopping process. It can mean simply walking away for a few minutes from something you think you'd like to buy, or leaving the shop and coming back on the same or a later shopping trip. When you do this, you really need to give the item up, temporarily at least -- to convince yourself that you're not going to buy it. Then you watch and see how your intuition -- your deepest self -- reacts.
In this case, I decided to come back and pick up the book another time. This is a great way to relinquish if you're not concerned that the item is going to sell out. Why? Because the item bubbles away in your unconscious, giving you time to assess, without conscious effort, whether it really is what you want. I wasn't going to be seeing Donna for a couple of weeks so there was no urgency.
However, I have to say that my first effort at relinquishing proved to be favourable. My intuition 'alarm' went off and I felt sure I would buy the book when I returned to the bookshop.
I went back today, as I said, and tested the process a final time by relinquishing quickly (simply putting the book back on the shelf and starting to walk away). My intuition alarm went off again, so I knew for certain I could buy the book!
This example is important, I think, because there was some rational basis for my decision. But I didn't rely wholly on my rational mind; my intuition was the final arbiter. As well, I wanted to give my friend a surprise, and asking her if she liked the book's author would have spoilt that.
In my next post I'll detail another aspect of my experience at the shopping centre.
12/16/07
Labels:
Bargains
,
Relinquishing
I had an incredible Inspired Shopping experience on Sunday, bagging a dress for $20 that was originally $155 -- without really trying! Let me explain.
I'd idly thought about buying something new to wear on Christmas Day. As well as the usual family get-together for lunch, this year my sister was hosting the huge Christmas bash my extended family (on my mum's side) holds annually, which includes aunties and uncles, cousins, and the cousin's kids. But I wasn't going to look for anything special to wear -- I had a few things in reserve. Still, I had been fairly disciplined about buying new clothes for a while, so I left the possibility open.
I was certainly not planning a big shopping expedition on Sunday. However, a friend and I decided to go for a walk along a popular beach not far from Melbourne's city centre, in the afternoon. Whenever I go to this beach I make a point of visiting a small clothes and accessories shop in the main shopping street. It's one of those little places (the word 'boutique' doesn't sound right for this place, it's too hip) that's great fun to to just browse in, but they also have amazing bargains -- smaller shops often do, because they don't have factory outlets they can consign their unsold goods to. Anyway, this is the kind of store I'm happy to browse in without buying anything, and I enjoy its low-key, quirky atmosphere.
As usual, the shop had a rack of cut-price clothes out the front -- all for $20. And there, among the T-shirts and garish colours, was a grey waisted dress with a gathered neck and long sleeves, marked down from $155.
Now, despite the fact that my friend was urging me to try it on, and it was an incredible bargain, I wasn't going to try it on automatically. I tested my intuition first. Over the years I've developed what I call an 'intuition alarm' -- this tells me when I need to buy something and when I need to leave it be. I 'relinquished' the item (imagining I didn't want it and putting it back on the rack) and my intuition alarm went off. So of course I had to try it on. When I put the dress on, I immediately felt like a young girl on Christmas Day preparing to receive a huge present. It was a party dress, and I loved it. After buying it I deposited it in my car and then went for my refreshing walk along the beach, enjoying chatting with my friend and watching the windsurfers (it was a windy day) and the people out walking their dogs.
This unexpected find illustrates a number of Inspired Shopping principles. In this case, my main aim was a walk along the beach, and I really felt the urge to do this. Looking in at the shop was just something I did because I was in the area, but again it felt right to do. Because I wasn't desperately hunting for something to wear I was open to possibilities. I also knew that I might not buy anything from the store, and in this case, I wouldn't have felt particularly deprived.
As I practise the Inspired Shopping process more and more, it just keeps getting easier and more fun!
Read More
The best bargain yet?
I had an incredible Inspired Shopping experience on Sunday, bagging a dress for $20 that was originally $155 -- without really trying! Let me explain.
I'd idly thought about buying something new to wear on Christmas Day. As well as the usual family get-together for lunch, this year my sister was hosting the huge Christmas bash my extended family (on my mum's side) holds annually, which includes aunties and uncles, cousins, and the cousin's kids. But I wasn't going to look for anything special to wear -- I had a few things in reserve. Still, I had been fairly disciplined about buying new clothes for a while, so I left the possibility open.
I was certainly not planning a big shopping expedition on Sunday. However, a friend and I decided to go for a walk along a popular beach not far from Melbourne's city centre, in the afternoon. Whenever I go to this beach I make a point of visiting a small clothes and accessories shop in the main shopping street. It's one of those little places (the word 'boutique' doesn't sound right for this place, it's too hip) that's great fun to to just browse in, but they also have amazing bargains -- smaller shops often do, because they don't have factory outlets they can consign their unsold goods to. Anyway, this is the kind of store I'm happy to browse in without buying anything, and I enjoy its low-key, quirky atmosphere.
As usual, the shop had a rack of cut-price clothes out the front -- all for $20. And there, among the T-shirts and garish colours, was a grey waisted dress with a gathered neck and long sleeves, marked down from $155.
Now, despite the fact that my friend was urging me to try it on, and it was an incredible bargain, I wasn't going to try it on automatically. I tested my intuition first. Over the years I've developed what I call an 'intuition alarm' -- this tells me when I need to buy something and when I need to leave it be. I 'relinquished' the item (imagining I didn't want it and putting it back on the rack) and my intuition alarm went off. So of course I had to try it on. When I put the dress on, I immediately felt like a young girl on Christmas Day preparing to receive a huge present. It was a party dress, and I loved it. After buying it I deposited it in my car and then went for my refreshing walk along the beach, enjoying chatting with my friend and watching the windsurfers (it was a windy day) and the people out walking their dogs.
This unexpected find illustrates a number of Inspired Shopping principles. In this case, my main aim was a walk along the beach, and I really felt the urge to do this. Looking in at the shop was just something I did because I was in the area, but again it felt right to do. Because I wasn't desperately hunting for something to wear I was open to possibilities. I also knew that I might not buy anything from the store, and in this case, I wouldn't have felt particularly deprived.
As I practise the Inspired Shopping process more and more, it just keeps getting easier and more fun!
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